I wanna SLEEP

It has been four weeks since my sleep has been screwed up.  There are nights when the voices in my head keep rambling so loud that I can't even hear my husband snoring.  I close my eyes and try my hardest to drift off to sleep and maybe for a minute I find silence in the night but it never lasts long.  The first couple weeks I would stay up for hours surfing the web, watching television which was not my habits.  I would notice the light outside getting brighter but I was not getting sleepy.  I would tend to laundry sometimes and a couple of those days I decided to crawl into bed but I was so restless I was waking and disturbing my husband and that was no good.  Then the next week I began sleeping on the couch.  Just staying up after work like the weeks before but when I got dozey in the day I would drift off on the couch but never into a deep sleep. This past week was worse.  I felt like a walking zombie.  Tired all the time, sleeping for less than a couple hours at a time.  And even the time I was sleeping was no solid sleep.  As my husband would walk down the stairs I would say good morning to him.  When he got out of the shower, I would conversate with him and doze back off only to be awake again before he walked out the door to leave for work.  It was like I was never getting to that deep space sleep.  

So tonight I am up at two in the morning, went to bed at eleven thirty.  I took a pill prescribed by my doctor and surprise surprise it didn't work tonight.  It kinda worked last night, it put me out but for only two hours.  Insomnia is crazy.  

I have tried Melatonin, an herbal supplement which seems to have no effect on me.

I have tried Unisom, an off the shelf sleeping aide which again seems to make me groggy if I take two but doesnt put me to sleep, but mind you the bottle only says to take one.

And then I have this prescribed sleeping pill which some nights puts me right out for a couple hours and then nights like this does nothing.

I watch Tim fall fast asleep and I am so jealous.  I remember when I used to be able to sleep like a baby.  He can't do anything for me, he holds me and he loves me and he has compassion for me but he can't help me.  I am so frustrated, I want help.  I want to know what's wrong with me.  I want to know why all of a sudden this is happening to me.  My stress level is at a high that no one can imagine unless they have been there themselves.  

The other night I woke drenched in sweat.  My hair was soaked and my forehead was super clammy.  I don't know if I was having a bad dream but it wasn't the first time in the last few weeks that has happened.  The bed used to be my safe place but not lately. Now I wake with the sheets tattered around, I feel disheveled and I don't even feel like I got sleep, it's crazy.  I can't tell you how many times I look at the clock during the night.   

I am considering asking my doctor to contact a sleep study for me.  I don't believe I have sleep apnea, maybe if I hadn't already lost all this weight but I do have some kind of sleep disorder.

No sleep and stress are horrible combination   ;(