Never thought about the things I would want to do in the future. I guess I am just happy living my days for what they are. But last night I did something that even if I had a die hard bucket list it wouldn't have been on it.
I mean I want to go to Alaska so I guess that would be on my list. I would absolutely love to see the snow caps and the arctic shores. Take a cruise and vacation In the the beautiful lands, who wouldn't love that.
I want to sky dive. To feel the air surrounding me. The miniature world getting larger as I get closer. Feeling the freedom of nothing under me, nothing holding me back.
Someday I will wear a bikini...... Okay so I can do it and maybe it's not really a bucket list kind of thing but for me it is. A woman who weighed over 250 lbs to know she will wear a bikini someday is rewarding and in reach.
As our lives evolve our so called bucket lists evolve as well. Some get smaller and some get more complex. And sometimes we do things that we never thought we would.
Last night I went to a video store at midnight. Yes you read that right. My husband bought me Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City yesterday afternoon and we couldn't pick it up until released at midnight.
We spent the entire day having fun. We laughed, we giggled, we walked Fiona, we cuddled and we played Resident Evil 5. I really enjoy RE. Then he taught me the game he enjoys playing ( which by the way I pick on him for the time he absorbs in it ) how cool was that game. It's a RPG ( role playing game ) well I didn't know so I asked. And it's Star Wars so I pick on him even more but it was a lot of fun. I like my RE more still but I made my own character on the computer and interacted in something he enjoys.
I may not have a true bucket list but yesterday I did two things out of my character. Not only did I go get a game at midnight which by the way again I have to say lots of fun. But I spent time indulging in something my husband totally enjoys.
I think on the top of all bucket lists should be getting to know the likes of spouses!
Second should be having fun no matter what you are doing, cause life is too short not to be enjoying yourself.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Hours in a Day

There's twenty four hours in a day, so why does it seem we have no time for us.  Well let's break it down.  On average we work eight hours a day, add in drive and prep time we have already wasted between ten and eleven hours.  That is almost half of our precious hours.  We should sleep a good eight hours but let's not push it, maybe we get six hours.  Now we have used about seventeen hours and all we have done is slept, gotten ready for work, drove and worked a minimum of eight hours.  What should we do with all that free time we have left.

If you are raising children that subtracts many more hours.  There are lunches to pack and night time stories to read.  Teenagers need rides to the mall and practice and nothing beats a home cooked meal.  Your toddlers need your hand to hold as they venture out exploring the world.  After school snacks and help with their homework.  Boy troubles and your son just not understanding girls.  You have to be a dictionary, a nurse, a chauffeur, a chef, a maid, a personal assistant, a teacher, and everything in between. 
Twenty four sounds like a large number until you break it down. 
For me just to go to the gym eliminates about three hours in the day.  It's a twenty-five minute drive each way and a good workout is between one and two hours. 

When and how we relax is a different story.  Finding the time to relax can stress some out.  Do we have time to relax and here is a question for you, how often do you feel guilty for relaxing?

Some of us can get lost in a good book.  We relate to the characters and get a sense of their feelings.  As the pages flip time goes by.  Others can't stay off of their social network sites, browsing and posting. You tweet and poke, send messages and chat all as your free hours slip by.  Maybe video games can help relax your mind.  You enter the fantasy world, becoming a fantasy.  Your mind forgets reality and for some this relaxation becomes an obsession ( lol ).  Taking walks and enjoying the fresh air, I know it's a foreign thought but oh so relaxing.  Watching the leaves changing colors and the birds chirping.  A good brisk walk as night nears can give some a wonderful sleep. 

It doesn't matter what one does with their hours as long as it makes them happy.


The way to relaxation is much different for everyone. As we get older we find what works.

Learning

• I learned something I already knew today.  Some people are just stupid.  It doesn't matter how old or young one is, sometimes you just don't have much common sense.  
• I learned something I already knew today.  I have more class in my little finger than some people do in their whole ass.
• I learned something I already knew today.  I will speak my mind and let you know just how it is when you are being stupid.
• I learned something I already knew today.  Parents aren't allowed to parent anymore, children have more rights and call the shots.
• I learned something I already knew today.  Teenagers know how to play the game and get away with murder.
• I learned something I already knew today.  Some adults can't act their age because they don't try.
• I learned something I already knew today.  Evil masks itself well.
• I learned something I already knew today.  My husband loves his daughters very much.
• I learned something I already knew today.  It's hard to compromise with stubborn people.
• I learned something I already knew today.  I need my friends in my life and they need me.
• I learned something I already knew today.  I enjoy my partner in crime Stacey.
• I learned something I already knew today.  If you let them get away with it, they will keep doing it.
• I learned something new today.                  No matter how hard you try, sometimes it just isn't enough.
• I learned something new today.                  Love doesn't conquer all.
• I learned something new today.                  But its gonna stay my secret.      

Making the Most Out of Every Day

It's been a week since I have blogged, well that's not quite true last night I blogged but it disappeared.  The whole darn blog gone so tonight I blog again almost the same as last night with a few changes and a little extra added.

One week ago I blogged about my loving husband.  I was bragging about how much he loves me and how he seems to always wants to make me happy.  He suggested that we save a beautiful small dog from a shelter and expand our family.  What a great idea that was.

That same day, I started a new medication.  For over five weeks I had been suffering from a terrible sleep disorder.  There were nights with no sleep and nights with two hours of sleep, but I am sure I had nights with no more than that.  I was lucky enough to find a doctor who listened and cared about my issues.  We discussed stress issues and maybe reasons why when I would lay my head down the thoughts would begin racing.  We tried all we could think of, herbal remedies, over the counter sleep aids, and prescription sleeping pills.  I tried teas and reading, nothing seemed to work.  I wanted to sleep.  I would watch my husband sleep and nothing.  He even took me out of work for a week, to get rest.  That did not help, but on Monday I started a new medication and for the first night in five weeks I got sleep.  I took the new pill with no true expectations and honestly, I didn't expect to sleep.  I sat in bed, blogged and then curled up with Fiona and drifted to sleep.

    I couldn't believe my ears, I was waking up to my husband's alarm clock on Tuesday morning.

I had finally slept the whole night.  I slept through the train in the middle of the night.  I slept through the neighbor leaving for work in the morning.  I slept through the sun rising.  I slept through the school buses barreling down the streets.  I was amazed, after all these weeks I slept.  I felt amazing.  I woke up in the middle of my two loves, my wonderful husband and my new love, Fiona.  Then reality hit, cold morning walks for the baby.

I had taken a vacation day, so a little extra time bonding with Fiona and catching up on sleep was on the to do list.  I was hoping to make an appearance at the gym too.  I didn't make it to the gym, but I did take the little girl for a few walks.  Tuesday was a nice lazy day followed by yet another precious sleep filled night.

Wednesday was an emotional roller-coaster of a day.  I had plans to spend with a friend.  Not just a friend but someone very special in my life.  I believe some friends are true and this one gives me encouragement and we feed off of each other.  She wanted to go shopping and even though I had no desire to shop I was there for morale support.  All girl likes to have another girl there to let her know if something works or not and I was that girl that day.  After we did some shopping, it was off to lunch, healthy lunch! While we were out enjoying our day, some news I already kind of knew was confirmed.  I pretty much knew I made a mistake at work and would be suspended but until that afternoon I knew nothing for sure.  When I got a bit of information it changed my afternoon for a little bit.  I had a mix of emotions.

I have a certain work ethic.  I believe you should take pride in the job you do.  You should double check your work.  I always try to do my best.  I had questioned how people could make simple little mistakes, but I get it now.  It happens.... sometimes it just happens.  

I still had to take the little Miss to her first vet appointment.  Even with how I was feeling about work, taking care of our new little girl was taking priority.  I felt like a mommie taking a baby to their check up.  I was so proud of how she sat and stood for the doctor.  I just loved how good she was.  She didn't jump when she got her shot and I got to hear how old she was.  She has perfect teeth and she is just slightly under weight but that will change.  My veterinarian seems to think she is very healthy.  I just love my little girl.    She perked right up while Dr. Mount was talking to her.  Taking her to the vet and watching her eat the treat from the nurse brightened my day right up

As the day got later and work time got closer my attitude changed.  I allowed myself to stop being angry at me.  I had no need to beat myself up for making a human error.  I made a mistake and as long as I learn from it and don't let it happen again then lesson learned, consequence served.  I walked in to work with my head held high and took my punishment as I should.  Inside it killed me, honestly to know that I wouldn't be working because I did something wrong, but I was still catching up on sleep so really it was perfect timing.  I knew that in a few hours I would be taking one of my nightly pills and asleep I would be. 

I met my husband in the parking garage and off to home we went.  Ironically, for the fourth time he got one hundred percent customer service, earning a hundred dollars for himself….. proud of him.

When Thursday rolled around Iweighed in and realized that through all the sleepless nights and depressing daysI was eating myself silly. I was working out occasionally, and making promises I really had no true desire to keep. I hadn't gained but a few pounds but my body was changing and not for the better. My body was on track for the seasons, but not so much now. Making excuses at every twist and turn. I had plans to go to the gym with Amber that day and most of the time I would cancel but not Thursday. I was going to the gym that day. I took Fiona for a brisk walk and I mean brisk, it was cold. While walking I did some major thinking. This was a new day, new month, new start. I had everything I needed in life to make me happy, now all I needed to do was work on me. Later that afternoon I was off to the Y. It was leg day and I was ready for a power workout. After 45 intense interval minutes on the elliptical we were off to do some more butt and leg work outs.It was a great hour and a half at the Y. I felt empowered when I walked out those doors. By this point I had slept three nights in a row, and incredibly I felt amazing.

          What is it like walking a small dog on a 1.6 mile walk in this kind of weather, a little chilly but fun.  Fiona is a good sport and Friday it was around 45 degrees, so not too cold.  We decided to enjoy the afternoon together in the sunlight.  The fresh air felt wonderful and since I was going to be celebrating with my husband later in the evening out of the house ( meaning Fiona would be in the cage ) I didn't want to go to the gym to get my exercise.  I totally loved my walk with her, if it wasn't cold we would have went further.  The energy I felt from my work out the day before and the sleep I had been getting was definitely making me, me again.I made sure I was dressed and ready so when  Tim got home after work we could go to dinner.  The next day was our two yr anniversary and since I would be returning to work this was our time.  A little conversation, a cocktail, okay maybe two..... good food ( healthy ) maybe not all of it..... smiles and laughs.... a little hand holding..... all in all a perfect anniversary dinner with my husband.  After dinner we picked up Fiona, took her for a drive to Coffee Culture and picked up a latte to top the night off.  A brisk walk when we got home followed by a little snuggling before sleep.  

Morning came, a little restless sleep that night maybe because of the alcohol, maybe because I knew I would be going back to work that night.  rolled over and gave my husband a kiss, letting him know just how happy I was being married to him.  Words can't express how happy I am that we got married.  I still can't believe sometimes that we have been married for two years.  I told him how much I loved him.  Waking up next to the person you love is probably one of the best gifts you can have.  During those sleepless nights, we spent a lot of time alone, pretty sad.  It is much better now.
I napped a lot of the afternoon.  Relaxing, walking Fiona, nibbling on food, repeat..... that was pretty much my day before my husband got home.  I was ready for work before he got home so we could get the most out of every minute of our anniversary day!  We ate dinner together, had some idle chit chat and walked Fiona together.  That doesn't sound very exciting to most people but when you work opposite shifts, you take what you can get.
My first day back to work was also my Friday, pretty sweet, huh!  I couldn't wait to get in there and get my eight hours done so I could start my weekend.  I missed a bunch of people, too.  Many changes had happened at work too so I needed to be caught up.  Funny seemed like I had been gone for weeks, but in a way I had.  With lack of sleep, I had been going to work, but almost like a walking zombie at times.  Then before my suspension I was on medical leave as well.  I was excited to start getting back on track.  We were pretty busy so the night flew by and everyone was in good spirits.  

After work I was not sure what reaction I was going to get from Fiona.  Just as I was closing the door her little body came barreling down the stairs.  She couldn't control herself from jumping and trying to lick my face off, she was so excited I was home.  I was so happy to see her too.  She definitely missed me as much as I missed her.  I took her for a bitter cold and quick walk and off to bed we went.  It took a minute but I drifted off to sleep and didn't wake until my husband woke me until the morning.

Sunday was a pure lazy day.  We didn't go anywhere or do anything except walk Fiona.  We took her around the block three or four times.  It would have been more but it was extremely frigid out there.  We watched some television and lounged.  Nothing much, that's for sure.  

Today was a great day.  Okay maybe not a great day, it was a very good day.  Both Tim and I were a bit moody but the day went well.  We decided to take Fiona out to Petsmart in Blasdell.  She has car anxiety and we are trying to get her over it.  It was so cold out today but the sun was shining bright and that made it feel warm.  I tried to keep my tude on the down low.  Sometimes like today I can feel it and keep it in check.  I think he was PMSing myself but he was doing a good job too.  We walked around Petsmart for a bit and then decided to sign her up for doggie day camp so we could go to lunch and do some window shopping.  We don't get but a few days a month to spend together so it is nice to do something.  I called while we were out to check on our baby, because we don't know what she is like with other dogs and my face just lit right up..... she was socializing. 

 They said she was having a good time.  I was so happy my                baby was having a good time playing with other dogs.  

Our evening at home was just relaxed and perfect.  We watched a little television which is so mundane and so normal that I am actually bored with television so I suggested playing a game.  We played dominoes ( I got the idea because of my friends FB status the other day ) and I haven't played in a long time.  We had a blast.....and laughed.  I couldn't even remember all the rules, so I Googled them, I love Google. 

And guess what, now I am finishing up this blog post.

I weighed in today and since last Monday I lost over two pounds.  I am two pounds away from my lowest weight which is great for me.  I truly believe not sleeping started to screw with my metabolism, my motivation, my spirit, my health in general.  

I am so thankful that I found a doctor that truly listened to me.  I am truly thankful for my husband that supports me.  

This week had it's ups and downs.  I had emotions pulled this way and that.  I realized I make mistakes, I am not perfect.  I realized if I take care of myself, the happier and healthier I will be, even if something goes wrong, it will be okay.