Teasing and pointing from other kids can be the least of ones problems. The stares as you walk around town or at the mall, become part of your norm. The snickers that you think you hear when you pass a group of " skinny" girls grow louder in your head every time you see them. Insults that you make about yourself, mask the pain you are really feeling. Family members making you feel bad because you weigh more than you should, can make you cry yourself to sleep.
As a teen girl, shopping for new clothes is like going to the doctor for a shot when you are over weight. The amusement park isn't so fun when you don't know if you will fit in the seats of your favorite ride. Just a walk around the block can make you out of breath.
I know how hard life can be growing up fat. It is sad, it is confusing, it is a driving force to eat more every day. All you think about is what's one more donut, who cares if I sit in front of the TV one more day.
I am in my thirties and the roller coaster of weight loss and weight gain is a major part of my life. I have lost and gained hundreds of pounds. I have made every excuse possible to myself about why I am over weight. I have eaten myself sick and starved myself. I have tried many diet fads, pills, videos and so on. I have learned how to eat and what amazing results one gets from exercise. I don't know if I will gain all my weight back again but I purely doubt it.
This week I shared with my step daughter the pleasure and pain of getting active. She is lazy, she openly admits she is lazy. Isn't that normal when you are fat..... well yes it is. Funny thing is I don't believe she is lazy, she just has no one to help motivate or support her.
I asked her to go for a walk Monday. I knew where I was taking her and the distance we would be walking, but until we got there I didn't tell her. It is a beautiful secluded trail back in the Allegany State Park. I found it and fell in love with it. I wanted to share this peaceful place with my beautiful step daughter. When I told her about how far we would be walking, her face said it all. She had no faith in herself. I had enough for her. Together we walked, looking at the trees..... pointing out chipmunks running by and just enjoying the warm breeze. She asked many times how much further and I kept saying just a little. After a couple good inclines, I lied and said there were no more, only for her to see another incline and another..... I giggled. She could do it and really at that point it was quit and sit there forever or keep walking and make it back to the car. Well of course we made it back to the car. She was out of breath and legs hurting but she did it. It took a bit longer than I was used to but I was so proud of her and her determination to fight through the pain.
The next time she was at the house was four days later and I asked the question that I thought I knew the answer to. She surprised me and said she wanted to go back to the trail. I was so excited that she wanted to go back. We walked it and this time I added a couple sprints to get the heart rate going. Before we started the trail she asked our time form the first time and she verbally stated she wanted to beat the time. Without a doubt I knew we would. We walked it and although she had moments of disbelief in herself, never did I not believe in her. I tried to be supportive and give encouragement as she got a bit tired here and there. I made sure to keep letting her know how good she was doing, and that she was making me proud. She rocked her time, beating the first walk by six minutes. I couldn't have been more proud. She was sweaty and hot and tired but she had a look on her face that said it all.
Our walk the next day was a bit different. We walked in town and for a self conscience over weight teen that can be hard. Mentally, the challenge was much more than the physical aspect. People could see her and that is a huge no no for a big girl. Even children sitting on their porch made her cringe. Her legs were still aching from the previous day, so the walk started a bit tense. She complained from the beginning, saying out loud she couldn't do it.... all the while I said yes you can, we can do this together. Our walk had sprints and some jogging in it this time. We walked around town and down the Pat McGee Trail, she was definitely more comfortable on the trail. The shade from the trees brought comfort while she wanted to hide from the world. She needed to stop in her mind, she couldn't walk anymore, so she told herself..... but she never stopped. Our walk had twists and turns that were unexpected, long story short we lost my phone, had to back track to find it and then her phone rang and we found out it was turned into the police station. Well the walk just got longer, which actually was okay with me. I was going to push her and let her see what she thinks she can't do really she can. I thought she would refuse to go further and want to go home but even through her negative comments she again never quit. Total we walked about seven miles, stopping for a little bit to savor a small ice cream cone after about six miles of walking. A treat was in order for sure.
In all my girl who doesn't find active lifestyle normal had now walked almost fifteen miles in total in less than a week.
Today is Easter Sunday and instead of hiding Easter eggs and searching for them we decided to search for a geocache. Nearly four tenths of a mile straight uphill on the mountain side. It was a steep climb, and she was hurting. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, her voice getting more pissed off. I knew the truth, she wasn't mad at anyone and she was getting mad because for the first time all week she really and truly believed she was going to have to quit. She panted as she climbed, stopped to catch her breath but she made it. This girl, who a week ago didn't think she could walk a mile climbed a hill, straight up. We found the cache, which gave her time to rest and then back down the mountain side. Off to the trail we went, again she wanted to beat her time.
I had faith she would but I knew she was tired and sore from all the uphill. If we finished the trail, no matter the time, that's all that mattered to me. We began walking but she showed a bit of conflicting attitude. She wanted to walk but she was sore. Her legs didn't know what was going on or why she was making them work so much. I understood her pain, emotionally and physically. She was tired and becoming pissy. She even said at one time in the beginning of the trail that she wasn't happy and didn't want to be mean to anyone. I supported her and made her know that it was okay to feel that way.
I began teaching her how to breathe, in through her nose out through her mouth. Sounds simple enough but it has to be learned and it is important for your health to breathe properly. I explained to her about her stride and how important and more beneficial the walk would be if she took full strides and stopped walking so slow. I talked to her as we walked. We jogged a bit and sprinted some. The inclines seemed to be getting easier for her. At one point she broke down, it was what I call a Biggest Loser moment. She cried out, letting her walk come down even if only a little. A few secret pains she spoke of, I understood, I had been there too. I could relate and I wanted her to know she wasn't alone. People can be cruel, but we make our own decisions about our life, and she listened. I held her hand and walked with her. She made it, she beat her time again! Another minute off, she did the trail on Monday in 1:17 and today she did it in 1:09. Amazing in my eyes, my step daughter didn't quit. She began finding herself this week, she found out she can do what she puts her mind to. She found out even if it hurts, it won't kill her. She found out that she has support.
I have said since I started losing weight that I have a passion inside of me for exercise and for working with others. This week proved it even more. I want to work with obese teens.
I couldn't have been more proud of my step daughter this week. Again I say she didn't quit. Nearly 19 miles in all! I plan on checking up on her this week.
I hope she remembers how important she is and how good this week felt.
No comments:
Post a Comment